In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
