Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
