You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my shit smells like andre
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
