Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
