Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
