It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
