please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
