i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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