I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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