And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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