He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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