I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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