My balls are so social today.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
