I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
