I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
