I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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