if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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