ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
