so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
