how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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