Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
