If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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