Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
