Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
