i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
