I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
