apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No subtext here. People are naked.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
