You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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