I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
