I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
