i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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