All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
