You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Shame - the story of my life.
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