Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
