The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
