What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
