Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just found puke in my bra..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
