I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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