its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
