Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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