Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
where are my eyebrows?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
