We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
