like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
