ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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