Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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