Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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