Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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