I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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