I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
