Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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