ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
